Monday, November 15, 2010


I'm walking around with these glossy eyes. "I'm just tired," I say. But you know what? It's complete blasphemy. Yes, I am tired, but not from lack of sleep. I am tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things I find no enjoyment doing. I'm tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over me even though my days are packed. I'm tired of the loneliness that presses against me, even though I'm surrounded by dozens of people. So, why can't I just admit it? Humans are so afraid to look into each others' eyes and say, "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible." We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious. As if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well, I say screw all of that. Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and "I'm fine, thanks, you?" Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems. We are humans. We are meant to feel. To feel everything and feel it all openly. We are not metal- we are flesh and bone. Our boiled blood curses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, what's left to show?

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